I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
