do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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