Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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