I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize