We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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