You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
