i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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