My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
