Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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