He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
