I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
