Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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