Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
