You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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