the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
