the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
