Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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