I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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