I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
