So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
try to milk me bitch
Randomize