Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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