I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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