This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
