She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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