I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just forgot I was standing up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize