How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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