I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
