It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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