Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
