I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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