everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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