Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
