What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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