There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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