i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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