Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
