I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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