All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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