I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
