All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
