I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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