he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I AM VODKA MAN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
