Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
