So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize