6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
