this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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