Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
