Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
