The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
