why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
