Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize