I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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