I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
