I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
