I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
