Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
