My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
