walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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