He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
