He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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