I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
