oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
