so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
