READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
