Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize