It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
