Can i not drive my cunt home
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we're so committed to being not committed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
