I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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