i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
