dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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